Coming Face to Face With 'Snake Eyes'

By Hector Matascastillo
June 2009

PDF of article (2 pages)

A U.S. Army veteran talks about his experience overcoming post-traumatic stress disorder and reentering the labor market.

As a young paratrooper I was warned about going out to the field with the “Colonel.” Everyone knew the Colonel. The stories of his exploits as an A-Team member in Vietnam had made him seem immortal. The most important advice I was given about the Colonel was to be wary of his “snake eyes.” “When he has snake eyes, it means he’s back in Vietnam, and if you startle him, he’ll explode.”

I imagined the Colonel transforming into a cobra that could strike with lightning speed if I made the wrong move. Little did I know that the Colonel would be my introduction into the world of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), an anxiety disorder that would eventually infiltrate my own life and change me, forever.

Eighteen years in the U.S. Army showed me a world that I wouldn't have otherwise known. I have walked through the Great Pyramid of Giza, stood above the cliffs of Pointe du Hoc and skied the vast mountains of Norway. Not all my experiences were great, however. Some of them continue to haunt me. I have been witness to innocent people and comrades in arms fall under the machine of war.

In 2004, my experiences reached critical tolerance levels and my demons overcame me when I found myself armed with two pistols standing outside of my Lakeville home. Multiple police officers faced off with a veteran who was seemingly in another place, in another time. In an instant, my world came crashing into what would become the trial of my life.

A long year of psychological evaluations and thousands of dollars in attorney and divorce fees later, I stood jobless and seemingly hopeless with my new best friend: PTSD. I encountered numerous people along the way, including a Vet Center psychologist, Dr. Ernie Boswell, who said to me, “You will be better because of this.”

Great people who wanted to see something better for me stood in my corner, but what none of us knew was how society perceived PTSD. We have all watched or heard of movies like “First Blood” where Rambo goes on a rampage of destruction in reaction to his Vietnam experience. Oliver Stone’s “Born on the Fourth of July” depicts a Vietnam veteran whose life goes so far out of control that he becomes another pitiful societal monster. Movies like “Home of the Brave” attempt to show the degrees of PTSD, but still depict the veteran as a poor victim who could turn into a monster like the snake that my Colonel could turn into if I startled him.

Finding civilian employment, and having to explain that my new criminal record was due to my reaction to PTSD, was even more demeaning than having to apply for positions that underutilized my 18 years of leadership experience and my bachelor’s degree in marketing management.

The only position that I could obtain was working marginally above the poverty line within a call center. I was usually told that someone else was more qualified. My goal was to find out how to improve my interview or resume.

In some cases, hiring managers were open and honest. I was told that “the incident” regarding my PTSD made them uncomfortable. What would happen if somehow, something in their environment triggered a negative response? That would put the company responsible for my reaction, which could prove dangerous to other employees.

One employer told me that he didn’t know much about PTSD, but he knew that he didn’t want me going “postal” in his company.

Another employer, the one who finally hired me, asked questions about what triggers it and gave me an opportunity to explain that it’s an anxiety disorder that can be managed through therapy. I was elated that this employer would hire me, provided that I continued therapy on my own time.

Things are better now. I'm halfway through my program to become a licensed clinical social worker. My military service continued, and I deployed once more to Iraq. I speak to lawyers and police officers to educate them about how to recognize individuals with PTSD. I’ve been in front of senators, judges, employers and reporters telling my story. My goal has been to explain that although I and other veterans may have snake eyes, just like the Colonel, we’re not going to strike you or hurt you.

I’m still a productive member of society, and unless you knew my past, you would never know there’s something different about me. I’ve learned to work with my PTSD, and I hope that others have learned that working alongside me doesn’t mean that they are working alongside a monster.

Hector Matascastillo was a veterans employment representative at DEED and is currently a specialist with the agency’s Rapid Response Team within the Dislocated Worker Program.